Category Archives: SURVIVAL KITS NG BUHAY
“Tayo”
(para sa aking mumunting anghel, thirdheight at greatfire)
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Umaawit na naman kayo, naririnig ko,
Parang mga anghel , sa pandinig ko,
Napakaganda ng inyong mga tinig,
Nagpapasalamat na iyan ang inyong hilig…
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Akin kayong minamasdan mula sa sala,
Natutuwang makita na kayo ay maligaya,
Nakangiti, habang lumuluha ang mga mata,
Nawa’y habang buhay ganyan kayo kasigla.
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Sa lahat ng ating hirap na pinagdaanan,
Nariyang sumugod tayo sa ulanan,
Nariyang mabilad sa initan at pawisan,
Nariyang maubusan at mawalan…
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Ang inyong mga halakhak, nakakaaliwalas,
Ang inyong mga yakap, nagbibigay lakas,
Ang inyong mga pangarap ay akin ring pangarap,
Igagapang at pag-aalayan ng buong pagsisikap.
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Ako, si kuya at si bunso, tayong tatlo,
Lalaban at tatawid sa kabilang ibayo,
Hayaan nang tayo ay di inaasikaso,
Ng pinanggalingan n’yong wala ata sa wisyo.
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Di natatapos ang buhay sa isang pagkabigo,
Hindi rin ito natatapos sa isang paglayo,
Di nawawala ang pagmamahal ko sa inyo,
Tayong tatlo – si kuya, si bunso at ako…
Life Lesson 2: Transition…
Second Lesson:
“I gave you my pain, anger and hatred;
I forgot joy, happiness, love..
I hurt so much.
Please, forgive me and help me.”
Carey J. Spearman
(Vietnam Veterans’ Homecoming: Crossing the Line)
These were the words of Carey J. Spearman, a war veteran who had experienced the war in Vietnam (as a medic).
Such violence, such fear, such sorrow, such destruction of will could change the person’s being…
Being in the center of Nam, extricating and helping wounded soldiers, watching them arrive in stretchers, agonizing with pain, going to battle again after just merely recuperating, coming back again either in stretchers or in caskets…was heartbreaking and soul crushing…
But…let us not talk about the war… it is as morbid as the word implies… 😦
Let us talk about the changes that the person undergoes after the war, when he returns home to his family, to live again in “PEACE”… or is it, really?
We experience pain and sorrow, at different levels…even if we didn’t go to war like Mr. Spearman.
We sometimes refuse to move on…
We feel guilty of the pain inside us, of the pain we have caused others.
We sometimes want to make up for the errors we have committed, for the chaos we have caused… but “Chance” is hiding somewhere. Elusive… not yet time… not yet OUR time…
We sometimes want things which happened to be undone…but UNDONE it cant be… seeds were already planted deep…some withered, some grew despite heavy rains and thunder storms…
We carry the burden in our hearts, long after the “war” has ended.
We extend the pain as we go home, unconsciously dragging our loved ones in the “war” we actually protected them from…
Let Go. Live… Life, as it has been spared, shouldn’t be wasted…
“Come sit with me in the dark and tell me who you are for real, not the person you show people in the light. Tell me about the person who comes out when no one else is around. Let me see him. Take me to your dark place. Let us break the lock on the box so it can never go back.”
We try to look at ourselves in the mirror after our own “wars”.
Do we see the same naive, disillusioned youngster who went on wild drinking spree with friends and ended up in rehab?
Do we see the same love struck virgin who gave up everything, including her family and education, just to be with a man who would later beat the hell out of her?
Do we see the same kind and mellow mother who ended up shooting her husband after seeing him in bed with another?
Do we see the same responsible father who by way of luck, had a lot of bad luck and was not able to recover?
Do we see the same hopeful, bright and smart kid who ended up leading a group of trigger happy killer-for-hire guys who were disillusioned after the harsh treatment they got from the society?
Do we see the same pretty college girl who ended up in jail for selling and using drugs to hide away her own disappointments and pain?
and the list goes on and on and on….
We come home not as the same people anymore. We have deeper understanding of life, the harsh realities of it and the lessons that these experiences bring.
But the sad part of it is, people around us, instead of giving us the understanding we need in order for us to move on, are the same people who judge us and make the transition even more difficult, painful and discouraging…
“Please, forgive me and please help me…”
This we ask of them… no, let me correct that, this is our pleading, our prayer… sometimes they are not listening. Sometimes, for some reasons, they do not feel our sincerity, they have chosen to ignore us…
Some succeed in the transition,
Many fail 😦
We definitely need help. We need people to understand us. We need to release our fears and anxieties… We need people to listen… We need PEOPLE, in short.
We need to have someone wipe away our tears, be with us…JUST BE WITH US IN SILENCE, IN ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT WE HAVE BECOME… and help us feel the comfort it brings…
“Dead things must have to be let go in order to let other things grow, i.e., love, happiness, joy, family, caring and closeness. Stay dead long enough and things around you will die because we will stop the joy, love, happiness and closeness from getting to them. This is not fair. The should have the right to live”
Move on….You also have the RIGHT to live.
Going Back….
First Lesson:
In this Jungle of Life…
“Life is a continuous struggle… it can be PARADISE… but be ready because most of the time… IT IS A JUNGLE”
I stood, I observed…
I saw the bad side of life…
The jungle that it is…
Survival of the fittest…
Reign of the strongest…
I saw how man ate man…
Clawing each other to dominate…
In this aspect of seeking fair and just treatment,
Justice and equal opportunities…
Some men become primitive creatures of the earth …
Being helpless and dumb, they become targets and victims….
Some become the highest form of ” WILD BEASTS”
Rushing through, showing off their teeth….
I saw how people think like “ANIMALS”…
…or were they really thinking?
I saw a lot of “SAVAGES”, each to his own…
I was so afraid, I want to flee
I was looking around for a DOVE,
There was none, not even a single one,
I was looking around for the “King”
But the “King” was busy wandering…
Maybe he doesn’t also care a thing…
As I further trek deep into this jungle of life…
My attention was caught by three creatures…
The Crab, the Pig, and the Crocodile…
The Crab was just there, moving sideways,
Seldom moving forward…
Whenever another is ahead,
The one behind tries to pull the other one back…
The crab reaches his destination,
But only after wasting a lot of time,
Struggling to be ahead in line…
The Pig was snorting around…
Enjoying his puddle of dirt…
Covering his body with the shiny mud…
Eating greedily whatever is in front…
Leaving his waste just anywhere…
Dozing off, after a hearty meal…
Tsk tsk tsk…fat he is, he doesn’t care…
The Crocodile, a predator that he is…
Other animals won’t dare come near…
Slowly moving forward, steadily eyeing a prey…
A vicious ambush hunter, he swiftly attacks…
A cold-blooded killer, he bites and crushes…
As I observe… his behavior is at the worst…
When he decides to also eat his own kind…
I had to gather my courage…
Fight when needed…
But you see, I am also a prey…
I need to run and flee…
Not to quit… but to stall a bit…
Just for me to know their moves…
Observe what part is weak…
Then that is, when I make my hit!
1st Life Lesson from “Vietnam Veterans Homecoming: Crossing the Line”
Once in our lives we encounter great works, works that can greatly influence who we are, what we are and what we will be. Works that will inspire us to go on and face all of life’s challenges head on.
Works that will help us find our inner PEACE…
A special person shared with me something to read and compare my life against… I was and I will always be thankful…the lessons I will gain will never be erased…till I draw my last breath of life…
Let me extract great advices and realizations from the book and let me try to have a simple analogy to the lives we live…
Life lesson 1:
…”The universal experience who suffer greatly is that during the times of suffering and healing, they experience a great divide between themselves and those around them”
The Vets find it easier to hug each other than hold a baby. Their common experience was their bond, something they have all felt and understood and unlikely felt and understood by the civilians (especially their families) who never went to war like them.
Likely, they were together as they saw comrades wounded and killed… the anguish and the anger they have felt. They were together as the bullets were flying overhead, when bombs were blasting everywhere and when the night was never calming as the mind is anticipating attacks…
They were together fighting to survive, fighting for their lives… more than actually fighting for the objectives at which the war was set forth… (most of them don’t even know why they were there, it’s an absolute responsibility to respond to the call of duty…)… THIS IS THEIR BOND. This is what they all understood.
Life after the war will never be the same again for them. Their views of what life is, changed, deepened. Their wisdom changed, it widened. Their capability to express themselves changed, they became inhibited (they were trained not to “feel” during the war, they were taught to”think” because war is never for those who have a soft/ weak hearts…you should be apathetic, void of emotions to be able to kill another human being, who actually never did anything wrong against you, it just so happened that they were considered “enemies” by your camp)
This is where the Vets ( or even our own retired, resigned soldiers ) are misunderstood.
I was thinking of my own father, one gallant soldier who almost lost his life during the height of insurgencies in Mindanao. He lived a decorated military life.
At first, we were just oriented to the fame and glory of the uniform. It was pretty glamorous. But when my father decided to “expose” us to the harsh realities of the life of a soldier ( being the eldest, he would always bring me along whenever possible, and when I finished nursing, I worked in a military facility assigned to extract wounded soldiers during insurgencies in CALABARZON and that time Bicolandia. Our facility is the first response group), I (I will speak for myself) understood… and I loved him more…
I have seen him shove away bribes that come in allowing or disallowing “activities” in his area of responsibility. I have witnessed how he protected his soldiers, especially those who are in the front line.
I have felt the passion he and those around him share. I have understood that, every time I was with him.
I was never first priority, the country is. I understood that.
His love for his work was clearly defined. His love for us was completely different, his softer side – a far cry from the tough commander he was.
I have seen him strategize with his men. I saw them prayed before jump off for an especially dangerous operation. I saw the fear in some of the soldiers’ eyes as they call loved ones to say how much they care, before they go and pursue the enemies of the state. I saw how they transform into emotionless battle ready elements as they board C130 or the Hummer or the six by six trucks.
My heart as an observer breaks when the some of the people I waved goodbye to at send off (some of them my close friends) come home in stretchers – agonizing in pain, begging to for their lives to be saved, giving me last wills that if they wont be able to make it, I have to tell their families how much they loved them….sooooo heartbreaking!
My heart dies as some arrive in caskets… something I fear whenever we receive radio messages that there will be air evacuations from Basilan…
I stood witness of wives losing their husbands to bullets and children losing their fathers to bomb blasts…
Today, I stood witness of how some managed to go through the experience and how that experience destroyed the lives of some who were left behind…
I SAW my father died and lived, literally. He was shot by an insurgent, the emergency evacuation from Dadiangas to General Santos was forever, I thought.
We were with him, my younger brother and I. It was a day before Christmas. We were supposed to celebrate Christmas with him.
Then it happened. After a few minutes of gunfire (with us in the foxhole), somebody shouted “Medics!!!! Officer down!”. My heart raced. I hope its not our father. Then someone shouted, ” kunin ang mga bata!”. A big soldier came rushing, scooped me and my brother, and off he went running to a waiting military vehicle.
I saw him on the floor of the make-shift ambulance. That’s when I realized, my father was shot. He was there, covered with blood. He was rushed to the hospital, we were with him.
I was crying because he was hurting. At age 10 that time, it never occurred to me how critical the situation was, that he was about to die…I plainly saw what was happening as it was, he was in deep pain.
We reached the hospital an hour after, people were so busy, there was so much movement, so many things said I couldn’t understand…
The only word I can recall was “pump!”. I never knew what it was then. Only later I realized, they were doing CPR on my father, trying to revive him. His heart stopped for a while. People in white were all over, each to his own thing.
Then, someone again shouted, “stop!”. I learned later that the heart started beating again… 1 minute before Christmas Eve, I was told. That time, I was thankful because he was no longer in pain. Now, I am thankful that he is alive.
These are the perils of a soldier’s life and the agony of the soldier’s family. I knew, we were there.
So much heart thumping action, everyday is very uncertain, especially during times of national unrest.
People are watching the TV, just waiting who will win in political battles (sometimes, its hurting to hear them, “sige bombahin nyo na!”… God forgive them for they don’t understand how many soldiers, even innocent civilians, will loose their lives again in the process) while we sit in prayer that there would be no need to raise arms – our father ( or in the case of some, their mother or both their parents) was there, awaiting orders, on red alert. (During red alerts by the way, we cant see them, we cant talk to them… even our communication with them is considered a security risk… too much anxiety it gives to the whole family…). Everyday, for us, is a struggle.
I saw how my father failed in his transition from being a military man, who was always in command, to an ordinary citizen when he retired.
People just have double standards.
When he was still in uniform, sitting in the position, people, especially those who are requesting favors, “loved” him, showered him with what they have… so much insincerity around…
When he retired, it was so difficult to even talk to these people. Sadly, these are the same people whose spouses, he protected in the field, the same people whose son or daughter he had helped to be accepted in the force, who are judging him and negating him. I saw how he struggled emotionally.
I even saw my own mom, demanding him to be the father that he is, the husband that he should be. It hurts because they are both hurting, they didn’t understand where the other one was coming from. My mom was thinking like the “civilian observer”… my father was thinking like the “seasoned soldier”… There was a time that all hell broke loose inside the home… That was our adjustment phase.
In all of this, I thank God, I understood. Silently I watched. Silently, I encouraged my brothers and sisters to just be quiet and just love them both. I slowly took over the responsibility of running the home… while both our parents were obsessed in finding fault in each other.
They were adjusting. They were used to just seeing each other at least twice or thrice a year, during occasions for the past 25 years. Now they have to live together, 24 hours a day, everyday…Difficult, but we understood, its a good thing we saw how our father lived his life in the field…
My father was not the same man anymore. He was not anymore the hopeless romantic who pursued my mother years ago. He was shaped by his military experience.
He knew that he would only be understood by his “Boks” who went through that same challenge, that same ordeal.
I have observed how his face would lit up when he sees old comrades, how he would show his old jolly self as they talk about things only they would understand. There is so much happiness in his eyes. I couldn’t be envious. They share the same thoughts, the same experience, the same passion, the same deep regard to each other, the same “I will die defending my country, I will leave no man behind” mentality.
What he shared to us was only love – its on a different level. We understood. And we loved him more.
This is our OWN NAM, our OWN WAR. My parents survived. My siblings and I survived… because we tried to understand… and we did and we are still struggling to survive this Nam.
(more lessons to follow as I go through the book… this is just about the INTRO… whew!)
Pagmamaneho sa buhay…
Sa pagmamaneho,maaari ngang mapalihis ng daan
Pagkahiwa ng laman, pagkadurog ng buto’y tiyak matitikman…
Paghinga mahihirapan, dibdib may nakadagan…
Huwag ngang magpabaya…. tingin sa kaliwa, tingin sa kanan… 🙂
hmmmnnn…
Buhay ay maihahalintulad sa ganyan…
Padalos-dalos…malalim masaktan…
Minsan di nakakayanan…bigat na nararamdaman…
Upang ito ay maiwasan… pag-iingat ang kailangan…
Tingin sa kaliwa….tingin sa kanan…
…Pala-palagay mula sa masarap na sabaw na aking natikman….
5 am na… andito pa rin ako :)
5 am am na, andito pa rin ako sa opisina… nag aayos ng mga kailangan mamaya sa pagdating ng mga manunuring bisita… sa dami ng kailangang isaayos… sumasakit na ang aking likod… masakit na ang aking mata… masakit na rin ang sikmura ko sa isang baldeng kapeng ininom ko…at namimiss ko na ang mga tsikiting ko 😦
…walang OT ito… pure love service… kasi ako ang nakaupo dun sa dulong upuan…kawawa naman ang aking sekretarya… nadamay pa :)… pero sya may OT… ako lang ang wala 🙂
Dito na kami maliligo, dito na kami mag bibihis… kakain lang saglit… iidlip lang… kasi 6am kailangang magsimula uli… maagang darating ang pangkat-mang-uungkat…sana maalala ng alarm clock ko ang trabaho nya 🙂
hmmmnnn…. na-realize ko lang… ANG HIRAP TALAGANG KUMITA NG PERA!!!… sana umulan… ng perang papel… wag naman coins… masakit yun….:)
Ngayon ko ata kailangan ng yakap… sa tahimik na hardin… nakatingin sa kawalan… nakaka….hahahahaha
hay naku makatulog na nga!!!
David and Goliath…. a layman’s thought on the RP-China Conflict
This is something I will reblog over and over again until I get my message through….
I cannot contain this fear…. Fear that war may commence anytime… Some of the handlers (our leaders) are slowing losing their patience, diplomacy is going down the drain… I fear that one’s reckless comment or one’s impulsive decision may destroy a country, may take away lives…
I pray that there will be more careful consideration on all aspects of the negotiations…Let not human nature, i.e. being hard headed and ego centric, come in between the negotiations… May the leaders (both China and RP) remember that they are not making any decisions just for themselves but they are making a decision that will definitely change history…the domino effect will be inevitable… this may not just be RP-China, this may translate to a global imbalance…
War should never be an option. We have seen how war crushed the lives of people in the past… how dreams were lost… how hard it was…
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Survival kit #3: MANALIG
(Nariyan Siya, Manalig ka lamang)
“Wala ba akong karapatang lumigaya?”
“Bakit ako?”
“Bakit kailangang mangyari ito?”
“Hindi ata nadidinig ang mga panalangin ko”
“Bakit?” “Bakit?” “Bakit?”
Mga katanungang … marapat bang itanong?
Sa ating buhay, tayo ay nakakaranas ng pagkabigo,
Tayo ay nakakaranas ng pait at dalamhati,
Hindi lahat ng ating kahilingan at dalangin ay natutugunan…
Hindi lahat ay maaring biglang pagtagumpayan…
HINDI SA AYAW TAYONG PAGBIGYAN…
Maaring hindi natin nakikita ang tunay na kahulugan ng mga pangyayari,
Maaring ang ating kaisipan ay nakatutok sa literal na kasagutan…
Hindi nakikita ang katugunang matagal nang nasa harapan…
Hindi nga o ayaw talagang tingnan dahil iba ang nasa isipan…
Manalig na ikaw ay tutulungan…sa oras ng matinding pangangailangan….
Manalig na ikaw ay sinusubok upang lumabas ang katatagan….
Manalig na ikaw ay nasasaktan upang maipaalala na ikaw ay tao lamang….
Manalig na bubuhatin ka Niya sa gitna ng lahat ng kaguluhan…
Ang Maykapal ay sobrang matalinhaga….
Kadalasan kasagutan ay ibinibigay sa ibang paraan…
Kailangan lang nating buksan ang isipan upang ito ay maunawaan…
Kailangan nating makita ang aral sa ganyang kaganapan….
Survival kit # 2: wag kang sumimangot… papangit ka
(Lahat ng suliranin ay may nakalaang katugunan… tumayo at maghanap)
Sa aking minsang kalituhan at kalungkutan,
Wala na akong ginawa kundi umiyak at sumimangot…
Ang pakiramdam ko, pasan ko ang buong mundo,
Hindi ko na nakikita ang magagandang bagay sa aking paligid.
Ang tanging nasa isip ko, “malas ako…. malas!!!!”
Ngunit sa biro ng isang kaibigan, ako ay biglang nagising…
“Hoy tita, kung ikaw ay iiyak at sisimangot lagi, papangit ka at lalong hindi ka makakahanap ng kaligayan mo!”….
Ako ay natawa habang ang mga luha ay nag uunahan sa aking pisngi…. pero….teka nga?
Tama sya!
Bakit ko hahayaang pumangit ako kung ang aking iniiyakan ay nakatawa at maligaya?
Kulay rosas pa nga ang kanyang mga pisngi dahil siya ay nakatagpo ng mamahalin at makakasama (kung panghabambuhay… bahala na sila)…
Sa akin bang pagpapabaha ng luha ay babalik sya? Parang hindi.
Teka, hindi “parang”… talagang hindi….
Ano ang aking natutunan?…Deadma!
Pwede namang magpanggap, habang nagpapagaling ng sugat….
Ngumiti, mag ayos, ipakita ang katatagan…
Unti-unti, makakaraos din….talunan man at maganda… maganda pa rin hahahahaha
Ganun din yan sa laban ng buhay….
Kung minsan parang ang bigat ng problema…walang pag asa…
Huwag awayin ang mga tao sa paligid….
Pweding umiyak para gumaan ang kalooban pero wag laging sumimangot…
Hindi naman nababawasan ang problema kung nakasimangot tayo….
Andyan pa rin yan… parang usok ng sigarilyo na kumakapit sa damit mo….
Parang amoy ng durian na naiiwan ng matagal sa hininga at kamay mo…
Ang isipin mo…ang bawat problema, may solusyon…
Pero kung ikaw ay nakaupo sa isang tabi at nag aantay lamang, ang problema ay lalong nagiging kunsumisyon!
Syempre, kung gusto mong malutas ang problema mo, gumalaw ka….
Tumingin sa itaas at humingi ng tulong sa Maylikha, hindi ka Niya iiwanan…
Lumingon kaliwa’t kanan, at baka nandiyan lang sa tabi tabi ang kasagutan….
O sya wag ka nang tumingin sa ibaba at baka kung ano pa iyong makita…. 🙂
Survival Kit #1…Nadapa, Eh Di Tumayo…
(Lahat ay nagkakamali, nasa pagharap ang tagumpay at pagpupunyagi)
Lahat tayo ay nagkakamali…
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Maling taong pagmamahal ay pinag-aalayan,
Maling taong pagkakatiwalaan,
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Maling desisyon,
Maling direksyon….
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…MALI lahat….
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Kaya akala mo ang mundo ay galit sa iyo….
Kung bakit di mo rin alam, dumarating ang delubyo….
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Minsan nga, sa iyong pag-iingat…
Hakbang ay sinisipat, ngunit sadyang nalilingat,
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Lalo kang nadadapa, nasusugat, nasasaktan…
Nahuhulog, nawiwindang, naguguluhan….
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“Pana-panahon” lang yan…
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MINSAN DI BA?
Sino ba ang hindi dumadaan sa ganyan?
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Pag nasubsob, tumayo at sabihing “kaya nyo rin ba yan?”
May tapang upang harapin ang ano mang kahihinatnan…
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Ang mahalaga, alam natin kung bakit tayo nagkamali…
May determinasyon tayong ituwid ang maling gawi…
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Madaling sabihin, mahirap gawin….
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IKAW at AKO….
Lahat tayo nagkakamali….
Huwag humusga…
BAKA MABATO KA…
chilledhoney
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