Life Lesson 2: Transition…
“I gave you my pain, anger and hatred;
I forgot joy, happiness, love..
I hurt so much.
Please, forgive me and help me.”
Carey J. Spearman
(Vietnam Veterans’ Homecoming: Crossing the Line)
These were the words of Carey J. Spearman, a war veteran who had experienced the war in Vietnam (as a medic).
Such violence, such fear, such sorrow, such destruction of will could change the person’s being…
Being in the center of Nam, extricating and helping wounded soldiers, watching them arrive in stretchers, agonizing with pain, going to battle again after just merely recuperating, coming back again either in stretchers or in caskets…was heartbreaking and soul crushing…
But…let us not talk about the war… it is as morbid as the word implies…😦
Let us talk about the changes that the person undergoes after the war, when he returns home to his family, to live again in “PEACE”… or is it, really?
We experience pain and sorrow, at different levels…even if we didn’t go to war like Mr. Spearman.
We sometimes refuse to move on…
We feel guilty of the pain inside us, of the pain we have caused others.
We sometimes want to make up for the errors we have committed, for the chaos we have caused… but “Chance” is hiding somewhere. Elusive… not yet time… not yet OUR time…
We sometimes want things which happened to be undone…but UNDONE it cant be… seeds were already planted deep…some withered, some grew despite heavy rains and thunder storms…
We carry the burden in our hearts, long after the “war” has ended.
We extend the pain as we go home, unconsciously dragging our loved ones in the “war” we actually protected them from…
Let Go. Live… Life, as it has been spared, shouldn’t be wasted…
“Come sit with me in the dark and tell me who you are for real, not the person you show people in the light. Tell me about the person who comes out when no one else is around. Let me see him. Take me to your dark place. Let us break the lock on the box so it can never go back.”
We try to look at ourselves in the mirror after our own “wars”.
Do we see the same naive, disillusioned youngster who went on wild drinking spree with friends and ended up in rehab?
Do we see the same love struck virgin who gave up everything, including her family and education, just to be with a man who would later beat the hell out of her?
Do we see the same kind and mellow mother who ended up shooting her husband after seeing him in bed with another?
Do we see the same responsible father who by way of luck, had a lot of bad luck and was not able to recover?
Do we see the same hopeful, bright and smart kid who ended up leading a group of trigger happy killer-for-hire guys who were disillusioned after the harsh treatment they got from the society?
Do we see the same pretty college girl who ended up in jail for selling and using drugs to hide away her own disappointments and pain?
and the list goes on and on and on….
We come home not as the same people anymore. We have deeper understanding of life, the harsh realities of it and the lessons that these experiences bring.
But the sad part of it is, people around us, instead of giving us the understanding we need in order for us to move on, are the same people who judge us and make the transition even more difficult, painful and discouraging…
“Please, forgive me and please help me…”
This we ask of them… no, let me correct that, this is our pleading, our prayer… sometimes they are not listening. Sometimes, for some reasons, they do not feel our sincerity, they have chosen to ignore us…
Some succeed in the transition,
We definitely need help. We need people to understand us. We need to release our fears and anxieties… We need people to listen… We need PEOPLE, in short.
We need to have someone wipe away our tears, be with us…JUST BE WITH US IN SILENCE, IN ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT WE HAVE BECOME… and help us feel the comfort it brings…
“Dead things must have to be let go in order to let other things grow, i.e., love, happiness, joy, family, caring and closeness. Stay dead long enough and things around you will die because we will stop the joy, love, happiness and closeness from getting to them. This is not fair. The should have the right to live”
Move on….You also have the RIGHT to live.