Losing someone doesn’t mean losing everything…

(Losing someone does not mean you have also lost the whole world… try looking around… you may find love…)

I woke up this morning with two pairs of sparkling, eager eyes staring at me…

They were waiting for me to wake up because its “videoke day” for the three of us…

I was still very sleepy, my eyes were still painful and heavy.

They had to pull me out of bed just for me to set up the Magic Sing.

When they started singing, my heart smiled. They have such beautiful voices, even far more beautiful than mine. The thought of my genes shared with these smart and talented kids made me thank God so much!  With all the difficulties of raising them alone, I am proud to have done such a great job…

They handed me the microphone and asked me to sing their favorite,

“You’ll be in my heart” by Phil Collins…

(I have been singing that song many many times, per their request. But today was different… I was holding back tears because the lyrics struck me hard….Now I understand why it’s their favorite and why when I sing it, both of the boys would just look at me smiling, with love in their eyes… “You’ll be in my heart” is a PLEDGE OF LOVE AND PROTECTION…that only I can give them… )

Come, stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from, all around you
I will be here, don’t you cry

For one so small, you seem so strong
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm
This bond between us, can’t be broken
I will be here, don’t you cry

1-‘CAUSE you’ll be in my heart
YES, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on, now and forever more

2-You’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You’ll be here in my heart, always

Why can’t they understand the way we feel?
They just don’t trust, what they can’t explain
I know we’re different but, deep inside us
We’re not that different at all
(repeat 1..AND)

Don’t listen to them, ’cause what do they know?
We need each other, to have, to hold
They’ll see in time, I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you’ve got to hold on
They’ll see in time, I know, we’ll show them together


Always, I’ll be with you
I’ll be there for you, always, always and always
Just look over your shoulder (3)
I’ll be there, always

One thing I am excited about when I go home everyday is when our little doggie (a pomeranian) would run towards us, wagging his tail in excitement, running in circles as if saying, “hold me or I will make you dizzy following me”…licking my face and my hands as if kissing me…

He does that everyday.

As if, everyday, with us out of the house for 8 or 10 hours, is forever for him. He is the most loyal and most loving companion we have…

I cant imagine a loss, because it will be a loss of an UNCONDITIONAL primitive love…

I pray for his long life…

(Above is a comment reply to Kapit ka lang Chief, the post made me appreciate another kind of love…salamat…)

I was looking for my notebook inside the car and my father told me, joking, “You cant find it, maybe because your eyes are hardly open…” then he smiled. He was always like that. Never asking questions, just throwing a joke or two.

He knows. I know.

He knew me pretty well when I am in a terrible shape. He knows that I would be the little girl yapping about work, school, traffic, even food etc etc on a Sunday morning, when I am in my jolly self.

Today was different. I was quiet. I seldom smile.  I sang with boys, but there was no fire.

Father just sat there, drinking his coffee, watching me get my stuff from the car.

He was waiting for me to open up, just like in the past. He would understand why I wouldn’t at many times, he would always say, I take my strength of character from him. I believe so.

He just watched me, and I know he is praying that whatever it is that is bothering me, I will overcome…

He watched me with love and understanding.

My mother was in the kitchen, she was cooking food as usual.

She asked me if I would like to have warm broth because I seem sick.

I know she also knows. She knows that I have this heavy burden inside.

But she didn’t ask. She waited for me to cuddle up and pour my heart and soul.

I might do that, later. But this time, I know she will find it hard to understand me. I was crazy for a moment.

She just told me to stay in bed as long as I want. She said she would take care of the kids for the day.

She left a meaningful statement though, “Don’t stay in bed so long, you might not be able to get up. The sky is clear. Play with the boys. Being happy will keep you healthy.”

Mothers really know best… 🙂


About chilledhoney

"INVICTUS" panulat na matalinhaga, panulat na tumatama… ang kaisipan at kahulugan ay napag-iisa…. mga kaisipang minsan ay matindi at maanghang pagkawika, ngunit minsan nama’y payak, humahaplos sa kamalayan, puso at isipan…. at sa aking maikling panahong paikot ikot dito sa harding aking tambayan… oras ay di ko namamalayan… sa mga puna at palagay, ako ay nasisiyahan…. napakasarap pakawalan ang malayang kaisipan….

Posted on July 8, 2012, in FREE FLOW. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I love Phil Collins….

    This song, “You’ll be in my Heart” has this calming effect on my nerves during the first two stanzas then the next lines, just plain heaven…

  2. ah, yes, that is sure one good song, my dear… ^^

    you will be alright – you have both your mother and father and you have your two boys. hey, you’re better than most, i say. ^^ 😉

    • I was really depressed.

      Isa sa mga interventions na lagi naming inaadvise sa mga patients na in pain or depressed ay diversional activities (sa akin, writing at listening to good music) at self evaluation ( ayan na nga…)

      Akalain mo yun, effective akong nurse ng sarili ko? hihihi

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